The Muskian Efficiency Mandate
Elon Musk, the maverick CEO, has unleashed a fresh directive upon federal workers: an email ultimatum demanding a weekly performance report. This tactic, previously deployed to purge his Twitter workforce, now looms over the nation’s civil servants.
“Summarize your achievements this week,” the email barked, with orders to loop in managers. Failure to comply? Consider it a resignation.
Inspired by his Twitter takeover, Musk has embarked on a government overhaul, establishing the Department of Government Efficiency. Backed by former President Trump, he has slashed jobs and dismantled agencies.
“Musk is slaying it!” Trump exulted on Truth Social. “But he needs to go harder.”
Musk didn’t flinch. “Expect an email soon,” he tweeted, vowing to heed Trump’s call.
The White House has remained mum on this email onslaught.
“Remember Parag?” Musk tweeted, referring to Twitter’s former CEO. “He got nothing done. Fired!”
The American Federation of Government Employees has vowed to fight any “unlawful” firings.
“Musk and Trump have shown their contempt for our members,” union president Everett Kelley fumed. “It’s an insult to veterans who proudly serve the nation in their second uniform.”
In a final jab at Musk, Kelley quipped, “Could a billionaire with zero public service experience truly understand the value of our work?”
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